The Screamer

It wasn’t the first time the screamer awakened me. I listened, and her wails crescendoed. If screams have levels, these seemed to have left “begging” behind—they didn’t seem to be pleading to him, but rather to be crying out to the world. They were assertive, letting-it-all-out, hiding-nothing wails. They went on and on. And ON. I listened in the dark. The screamer sounded cornered but not about to let the perpetrator get off lightly. That is, if there was a perpetrator—perhaps she is mentally ill? Or suffering from some wretched physical pain? I don’t know.  I have no idea where she is, which building, although I have a hunch. Our windows are all huge and usually open—and I can indeed hear things from buildings across the way. People practicing the horn or piano. People throwing their vegetables into hot oil. Radio music. And screams.

I certainly don’t know why she was screaming, not for sure. But I’m pretty sure. It just sounded like a case of domestic abuse.

Then a few days ago I heard it at lunchtime, which was unusual. I had come home from school to meet my tutor, but the screams subsided before my tutor arrived. I could see people, mostly older, coming and going slowly on the brick paths far below. They heard. But they kept going about their business. 

I have a Chinese friend who has told me about her history of abuse. She fought back and took action, but the law was not on her side then. Her family did nothing and did not support her. She did leave her husband, the abuser in her case, but not with any support whatsoever from anyone but her daughter. That was a long time ago, but she is still angry. 

Chen Ting Ting writes that “traditionally in China, domestic violence has been considered a private issue that should be kept within the household, with any outside interventions left at the doorstep.” She notes that that situation, including the legal system, is slowly changing but not fast enough. She goes on to quote survey data that suggest that one in four Chinese women are subject to some kind of domestic abuse. An article last May in the China Daily said that half of the respondents in a survey on domestic violence said they abused their wives or girlfriends. Half.

This, of course, is not news. It happens in the US—and I tend to forget that when I was a girl there was very weak legal support for people of any gender reporting abuse. Wikipedia says that before the 1980s, “U.S. law enforcement policies and practices emphasized not using arrest, prosecution or other legal sanctions.” That has changed, officially at least, and most Western countries outlaw abuse. But even with legal, social, and other support networks in place, Soroya Chemaly presents chilling statistics showing that the US has no bragging rights. It’s not much better in Western Europe where, the “order of causes of death for European women ages 16-44” are “domestic violence, cancer, traffic accidents.” Whew.

Of course, attitudes about violence against women varies, region by region and culture by culture, but the UN, among other organizations, points to the historically unequal power relations between men and women around the world and presents even more sobering statistics, particularly about the degree to which women internalize beliefs that they deserve to be beaten.

My students are smart and most of them would not take lightly certain forms of aggression. And yet China is a country where men are still privileged. I was sobered to hear many of my women students express the opinion that they’d rather be male. I was also sobered to hear that most of them would do nothing if they witnessed abuse unless they knew the person. But are they very different from US and Western citizens who have more robust laws and (theoretically) police services on their side?  I don’t know.

Part of the Confucian idea of harmony is a social order in which inferiors submit to superiors, children submit to elders, and wives submit to husbands. It’s an order that is deeply engrained in the culture. Of course, Confucius did not condone abuse—to the contrary—but he did endorse the pecking order.

Things are changing fast in China, but men still outnumber women and not for reasons of nature.

http://www.china.org.cn/china/2013-05/10/content_28781884.htm
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/soraya-chemaly/50-actual-facts-about-dom_b_2193904.html
http://asiafoundation.org/in-asia/2013/10/30/breaking-pattern-of-silence-over-domestic-violence-in-china/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence

PS -  I should have said last week that, stressed as my tutor might be, I have no doubt that she'll find a job. She's smart, charming and resourceful. She is beloved by her students and tutees. It might not be her first pick, but a job of some sort will come her way.

Another PS - I send hearty congratulations to Christopher on graduating from his nurse anesthesia program and warm, good wishes to Nicholas on his birthday!